Work Occuring While Unemployed

And speaking of things that are excellent, I want to talk to you about the importance of quality television programming. It is so crucial, I think, to pack the broadbands and satellites with intelligent, informative, and timely programs that spread knowledge and art. As a television viewer, I find it is far too easy to get sucked into the never ending void of horrible reality television shows. Who wants to become the next Food Network Star while simultaneously dating a millionaire and kicking that ten year old heroin addiction? Sure sounds real to me. While more and more reality television shows clog our airwaves with idiots doing idiotic things while other idiots watch, I want to you encourage you to switch the channel, or just turn off the television altogether.

I find that public access is always good for a laugh, and it makes you feel like you’re really connecting with your community. Also, you may learn something - like the power of your vagina. Another show, which captures my imagination and makes my brain start a churnin’ is the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! I think you should watch it. I’ve included a few of my favorite clips for your enjoyment. And yes, this posting is a result of me wanting to watch the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! at work.

PUMPERS!

Below is part one of Brule’s Rules with John C. Riley!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Below is part two of Brule’s Rules with John C. Riley!

Scientists, YEA SCIENTISTS, recently discovered that dogs are susceptible to contagious yawns. That’s right, dogs. From my preliminary, and therefore, final research I have concluded that no one, not even scientists, really know why we yawn. Some believe that we humans use yawning to stay awake, saying that the act of yawning cools off the brain. I don’t really understand that, but then again I’m no neuroscientist or even just plain scientist. How does it cool off the brain?

According to University at Albany psychology professor Gordon Gallup, “brains are like computers. They only operate efficiently and effectively when they’re cool. And, therefore, there are some very intricate cooling mechanisms that serve to regulate the temperature of the brain.” He said many things associated with yawning, like being tired, actually make the brain hot, and yawning can alleviate the heat. “Many people have the impression when talking to someone that if they yawn, it’s an insult,” Gallup said. “But according to our hypothesis, it’s really a compliment, because it suggests that brain mechanisms have kicked in to reinstate and optimize mental processing.”

So sure stretching your jaw and gulping down some fresh air may cool down your brain, but I’m still not satisfied. Other scientists, (SCIENCE) , claim that yawning, and more specifically contagious yawning is a sign of deep social empathy. Catriona Morrison, a lecturer in psychology at the University of Leeds believes “that contagious yawning indicates empathy. It indicates an appreciation of other people’s behavioural and physiological state.”

Also, furthermore and IN ADDITION TO! a scientist, ANOTHER scientist - Atsushi Senju from the Centre for Brain and Cognitive Development at Birbeck College - found that children diagnosed with autism do not yawn contagiously. This finding “supports the claim that contagious yawning and the capacity of empathy share common neural and cognitive mechanisms.” The scientists added it would be interesting for future research to look at whether contagious yawning is impaired in other conditions in which empathy is compromised, such as psychopathy or frontal-temporal dementia. Yes scientists that would be interesting!

So, dogs suffer from contagious yawning too, which means, WHICH MEANS! - that dogs are empathetic to humans. How sweet, how terribly sweet. Those scientists will stop at nothing to prove the wonderfulness animals. Good for them.

HERE’S a video of a dog yawning after a human; it has no sound.

Cooling off the old brain –
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3425960&page=1
Empathy –
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6988155.stm
Dogs –
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7541633.stm
Autistic Children –
http://www.igso.net/~gbryant/yawning.pdf

I don’t know if you saw today, but the Wildlife Conservatory Society announced that they’ve discovered 125,000ish gorillas in the Northern forests of the Republic of Congo, changing the previous census number from 100,000 to 225,000. Gorilla nation!

I’m excited; I love gorillas! Here’s why:

If anyone is looking for someone to join them on a trip to the Congo or Uganda to work with mountain gorillas, I’m ready and rarin’ to go! I’ve got work to do and can’t flesh out this post as I had wished. But I will leave you with THIS, a very informative and sad article from National Geographic about the gorilla murders a year ago.

It’s a list of bizarre and interesting deaths throughout history. Yes, I’m a little morbid and enjoy thinking about things like this, but I’ve learned so much from this list. Now, I know I should never have a laughing fit while suffering digestive problems and I should never hold my pee for a ridiculous amount of time. Ah, learning.

As you might guess the list is pretty long, so I’ve trimmed it down to include some of my…. uh, favorites?

• 458 BC: Aeschylus, Greek playwright, was killed when an eagle dropped a live tortoise on him, mistaking his bald head for a stone. The tortoise survived.^[1]

* LESSON: Always wear a helmet while out in the wilderness *

• 270 BC: Philitas of Cos, poet and critic reportedly wasted away and died of insomnia while brooding about the Liar paradox.^[3]

* LESSON: Don’t think too hard; it may lead to death *

• 207 BC: Chrysippus, a Greek stoic philosopher, is believed to have died of laughter after watching his drunk donkey attempt to eat figs.^[4]

* LESSON: Never get your donkey drunk, feed it figs or laugh at it *

• 53 BC: Marcus Licinius Crassus was executed by having molten gold poured down his throat, following his defeat at Carrhae at the hands of the Parthians under Spahbod Surena. Some accounts claim that his head was then cut off and used as a stage prop in a play performed for the Parthian king Orodes II.^[6]

* LESSON: Don’t allow yourself to be defeated *

• 81: According to the Babylonian Talmud^[9], an insect flew into the Roman emperor Titus’s nose and picked at his brain for seven years. He noticed that the sound of a blacksmith hammering caused the ensuing pain to abate, so he paid for blacksmiths to hammer nearby him; however, the effect wore off and the insect resumed its gnawing. When he died, they opened his skull and found the insect had grown to the size of a bird. The Talmud gives this as the cause of his death and interprets it as divine retribution for his wicked actions in destroying the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem.^[10] Tales of his fate are also found in Christian sources, and the phrase “Titus’s flea” has come to refer to any idea that gnaws at one’s brain.

* LESSON: If the sound of hammering is ever soothing, seek immediate medical attention *

• 258: St Lawrence was executed by being burned or ‘grilled’ on a large metal gridiron at Rome. Images of him often show him holding the instrument of his execution. Legend says that he was so strong-willed that instead of giving in to the Romans and releasing information about the Church, at the point of death he exclaimed “Manduca, iam coctum est.” (“Eat, for it is well done.”)

* LESSON: Stick it to your excecutioners by being witty and fun! *

• 336: Arius, the heretical priest who precipitated the Council of Nicea, passed wind and evacuated his internal organs. ^[14]

* LESSON: Don’t fart too hard *

• 1410: Martin I of Aragon died from a lethal combination of indigestion and uncontrollable laughing.^[21]

* LESSON: Control yourself *

• 1478: George Plantagenet, Duke of Clarence reportedly was executed by drowning in a barrel of Malmsey wine^[22] at his own request.

* LESSON: Die on your own terms *

• 1601: Tycho Brahe, according to legend, died of complications resulting from a strained bladder at a banquet. It would have been extremely bad etiquette to leave the table before the meal was finished, so he stayed until he became fatally ill. This version of events has since been brought into question as other causes of death (murder by Johannes Kepler, suicide, and lead poisoning among others) have come to the fore.^[26]

* LESSON: It’s never inappropriate to pee *

• 1626: Francis Bacon died of pneumonia contracted while filling a chicken with ice in order to prove that freezing preserves food.^[27]

* LESSON: Wear a coat when filling a chicken with ice *

• 1673: Molière, the French actor and playwright, died after being seized by a violent coughing fit, whilst playing the title role in his play Le Malade imaginaire (The Imaginary Sickness).^[31]

* LESSON: If you must die, do it ironically *

• 1868: Matthew Vassar, brewer and founder of Vassar College, died in mid-speech while delivering his farewell address to the College Board of Trustees.^[40]

* LESSON: See above. *

• 1920: Ray Chapman, baseball player, was killed when he was hit in the head by a pitch.^[47]

* LESSON: Duck *

• 1927: Isadora Duncan, dancer, died of accidental strangulation and broken neck when one of the long scarves she was known for caught on the wheel of a car in which she was a passenger.^[52]

* LESSON: Keep your scarf inside the vehicle at all times*

• 1935: Baseball player Len Koenecke was bludgeoned to death with a fire extinguisher by the crew of an aircraft he had chartered, after provoking a fight with the pilot while the plane was in the air.^[56]

* LESSON: Never start a fight on a plane *

• 1941: Sherwood Anderson, writer, swallowed a toothpick at a party and then died of peritonitis.^[59]

* LESSON: Don’t try to look cool by doing that toothpick trick *

• 1959: in Dyatlov Pass Accident, Nine ski hikers went missing in the Ural Mountains of the then Soviet Union and were later found dead, having abandoned their camp in the middle of the night in apparent terror, some clad only on their underwear despite sub-zero weather. Six of the hikers died of hypothermia and three were killed by “unknown compelling force”.

* LESSON: NEVER GO SKI HIKING IN THE URAL MOUNTAINS!!!!! *

• 1978: Georgi Markov, a Bulgarian dissident, was assassinated by poisoning in London by an unknown assailant who jabbed him in the calf with a specially modified umbrella that fired a metal pellet with a small cavity full of ricin poison.

* LESSON: Don’t trust people who carry umbrellas *

• 1983: Author Tennessee Williams died at the age of 71 after he choked on an eyedrop bottle cap in his room at the Hotel Elysee in New York. He would routinely place the cap in his mouth, lean back, and place his eyedrops in each eye. Williams’ lack of gag response may have been due to the effects of drugs and alcohol abuse.^[95]

* LESSON: Don’t put things in your mouth when you’re alone *

• 2001: Bernd-Jürgen Brandes from Germany was stabbed repeatedly and then partly eaten by Armin Meiwes (who was later called the Cannibal of Rothenburg). Brandes had answered an internet advertisement by Meiwes looking for someone for this purpose. Brandes explicitly stated in his will that he wished to be killed and eaten.^[104]

* LESSON: You can find anything on the internet *

I was walking to lunch today and I looked down and saw this…

A glittery sidewalk — ahhhhhhhhhhhh…ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with glittery sidewalks, if you’re not, I’m sorry, terribly sorry that you have not had this joy in your life.

Here, in San Francisco one can find the glittery sidewalk in a wide range of places. They’re found on the highfalutin streets of Noe Valley and Pacific Heights, and in the most depressing and destitute ares of town such as the Tenderloin and Sixth Street, creating myriad of opportunities for social commentary. “These people are so rich, they walk on diamonds” or “This town cares more about the sidewalks than it does the people sleeping on them”

Social commentary isn’t really my forte, at least not today. Rhyme time.

I want to talk about the joy of walking on a glittery sidewalk. You take one step and another and sparkles and more sparkles, and why not, let’s click the heels, just because I’m walking on glitter. And hey, maybe I’ll slow down the pace of my stride and really enjoy the day, becuase I’ve got glitter under my feet and when I have glitter the rest of the world seems so much nicer.

Like this…..

What is this fantastic stuff?

It’s called calcite. It makes up a significant portion of Earth’s crust and serves as one of the largest carbon repositories on our planet. WOW! And calcite is an ingredient in such wonderful items as antacids, agricultural fertilizers, soil conditioners, limestone building materials and gravels!

So next time you’ve got stomach ache, stop a moment, look down, and if you see glitter give it a lick! It won’t make you sick. Rhyme Time.

Today, I’d like to discuss one of my favorite people in the world, David Byrne. You’re probably well aware of who David Byrne is and what he’s all about, but honestly, I don’t care. I’m going to talk about him anyway.

Now for some of us David Byrne is just the front man for one of the best bands ever, The Talking Heads. For those of us who are not so familiar with the quirkiness that is David Byrne, here’s David in his self-interview - a great introduction, should you not know him.

Please enjoy:

What I want to emphasize and highlight in this posting is not the musical talents of either David Byrne or the Talking Heads, though the talents both are vast and wonderful and if you have no Talking Heads albums you should drop what you’re doing right now and buy every single album ever made, becuase they’re all wonderful.

David Byrne, the artist: this is what I want to talk about. I don’t really know anything about art; in all truth I know NOTHING about art. But when I see what David Byrne’s installations and projects, I can only think: that’s art. He’s able to transform a public space into something completely different. I don’t want to describe his projects too much because I think you should just go look for yourself….

Shhh….Sounds in Spaces (“Walk with Me” is my favorite)

Everything is Connected

And if you happen to live in the New York area (though I doubt my readership reaches that far, if it does: Hi Jason and David!) You should go see this before it’s gone:

Playing the Building

10 South Street, New York, NY (Map)
31 May – 24 August 2008
Open Friday, Saturday, Sunday: Noon – 6PM (Free)

I realize all I’ve done is promote David Byrne and his website, but I fully stand behind him and his website! For the past three hours I have been thoughtfully entertained and moved by his art; now, I hope you can share in the same experience.

And he doesn’t just stop at art and music, oh no! He also has published a few books and produced some movies. I encourage you to poke around his website and see what’s happening in the world of Byrne. Also, I highly recommend reading The Journal section!

I’m at work, shocking I know, and I have nothing to write about - no ideas, no nothing. There was a 5.8 earthquake in LA at 11:42am today, but we didn’t feel anything up here in the Bay. I can only wonder when the Big One is going to hit and where exactly I’ll be. I’ve decided that I don’t want to be in the bathtub. Being naked and wet are two obstacles I don’t want to deal with when facing death, but I guess that’s how I faced life, so maybe I’m wrong.

There are some really interesting talks happening on Talk of the Nation right now. Ironically, they are talking about disasters and how people survive them. You should listen, it’s informative and someday this information may just save your life!!!

And since I lack anything of substance to talk about (I know every post previous has suffered from the same problem, but I suppose today I’m feeling less chatty) here is a smattering of earthquake videos! Enjoy!

This one’s (below) my fave!

Ok, if you find yourself in the latter situation mentioned at the beginning of this post, you’re in some serious trouble, theoretically.

There you are, cruising around space. Suddenly, your radar (which detects gravitational fields) bleeps and you notice that there seems to be a planetary body in front of you, at least according to the images on your radar. However when you look out of your space-window, you see no planet. How odd, how very odd…

You keep going forward, assuming there is something wrong with your radar and not with your eyes. You’re going straight for what your radar tells you is spherically symmetric object with a normal gravitational field. Suddenly you split in two, and then those two pieces as well as everything else around you splits into two, and then all of those pieces split into two. This process of bifurcation continues until the split-up pieces of you, your ship and everything around you beome a string of elementary particles. This process is knows as…. wait for it… SPAGHETTIFICATION!

Spaghettification is what happens as you cross the event horizon of a black hole (the point of no return) and move toward the point of singularity, where all matter, all time, all space, becomes zero and infinite forever.

So there you have it, if you’re going to stray from your path do it on earth not in space. That is unless you want to be spaghettified!!

All my quicksand facts were taken from this article. I found a blackhole in wikipedia….

Check back later today for a fuller and more enjoyable post.  God speed!

As I was leaving work the other day I noticed the Maximum Occupancy sign for my building; it read 367. This got me thinking, how do they figure out this whole maximum occupancy thing? Obviously, it’s got to do with the amount of square footage each person needs to, I guess, be, stand, work, in said structure.

I arrived at work today eager to research what exactly the guidelines for Maximum Occupancy are. Yeah! What a fun day! Look out world! I found out some things, some WONDERFUL things. Firstly, and another obvious observation here, the maximum occupancy for buildings is set by the Fire Inspector and takes into account things like how many exits exist, what the space is used for, and of course, how much non-obtsructed (by pillars or other non-movable features) square footage there is.

So after some light research, I found that a good office work space is 100 square feet for person, a space in which people congregate like a music hall or concert venue usually allows 7 square feet per person and a space that is used by a lot of people, like maybe a lunch room or library allows 15 square feet per person. I know. You’re floored right now…

Then i got to thinking, “well gee what’s the square footage of earth’s surface area? No, just the land mass? and how many people live on earth? Are we at maximum occupancy?”

Then I got to calculating…. I decided to use the 15 square feet per person to start off, just because that’s kind of in the middle… kinda?

Okay there are : 6,712,220,919 people in the world multiply that by 15 (square feet/person ) and you get

100,683,313,785 square feet needed for all in habitants of the world.

And that’s just enough space for everyone to sit down read a book, maybe play some cards, and go around and chit-chat with each other.

Ok so that’s the space we need — 100 billion square feet… well it turns out we’re in luck! The earth’s land mass has a surface area of 148,940,000 square Kilometers which converts to 488 billion square feet! (Of course that’s including places like Antarctica which is 27 million square feet and pretty much completely uninhabitable).

Now, is there enough room for everyone to have a little more space, to you know do some work, or some streching, or just whatever they want? Let’s see 671,222,091,900 square feet for everyone to have a nice hunk of space… Oh no, oh no, oh no, well this is just horrible, we’ve run out of space here people. Damnit.

Is the apocalypse on the horizon? Are we just going to start falling off into space? Actually that would be kind of cool, if you had an oxygen tank and some warm clothes….

Well this obviously is overly simplistic and really doesn’t prove anything other than I still have mean division and conversion skills!